Its been a rough last couple weeks, and is getting increasingly worse by the day. I need advice... badly! And well.. since I no longer speak to my terrible mother, I am asking advice from all my good mommy friends so that I do not become a terrible mother also. How do you deal with these TERRIBLE TWOS????
In the last 4 weeks, Cami seems to have become a different child. She doesnt listen or obey. She yells and throws major tantroms. She flat out says NO all the time, and means it. Its like pulling teeth to get her to do anything. Shes even retracted a little on her speech, replacing words with whining and desperate panting and pointing (much like before she was able to communicate). She hits, and is incredibly mean to other kids. The list goes on. Like i said, each day it gets worse.
Then this morning I had to meet with a few girls at my church to plan an activity. We all brought our kids so it was kind of a little playdate type thing. Ive never seen her be so mean to anyone... EVER. She yelled at all the kids, hit them, took their toys while using a horrible tone of voice. They had an old chihuahua dog, cami ran after it and kicked it several times. I was mortified that she would be so cruel to an animal, as she is in love with puppies.
One of the girls who was there happens to serve in the Nursery at church, and teaches and observes cami each sunday. I asked her to tell me the honest truth about how cami acts in nursery. Cami is by far the meanest kid in the class. This tears me apart and brings me to tears. I feel like such a failure.
I have been upset all day. I dont know where this is coming from. Is THIS a description of the terrible twos? Or is this something else? I cant sleep... my mind is racing. Im embarrassed. Im frustrated. Im incredibly disappointed. I feel like there has to be something that im doing wrong. Am I a bad mother? Is this my fault? How do you good parents out there do it? I have hit my breaking point so many times lately its rediculous. Any advice anyone can give would help so much!
8 comments:
I'm sorry your having such a rough time! I don't have any experience with girls, so the only advice I can give you is be more stubborn than she is and don't give in. NEVER reward her or give in when she's throwing a fit. Even ignore her. She'll realize she's not getting the attention she wants and hopefully quit. I don't know what to tell you about the hitting thing... Every kid is different and has different degrees of terrible two's. My sis has a daughter that sounds a lot like yours. She's 9 now, and they both survived! My sis left a lot of filled grocery carts in stores and spent many hours listening to her daughter scream from inside her bedroom. If she was at a family function and her daughter started acting up, she'd sit in the car with her until she calmed down. Sometimes it took an hour or so... Don't feel like a failure, she's just testing her boundaries and trying to see how far she can go. I'm pretty sure she didn't learn how to throw fits and kick puppies from you or your husband!! :)
Liselle I think rachel sums it up pretty well. I have a boy so it may be different. But trust me when I say he is 3 1/2 and things r finally getting easier. I had the hardest time with all the same things u described. And it sure is embarassing ur right! Lol but I think u have to be more stubborn. Even walk away. I thought I was going to lose my mind a few times but she's discovering her personality and how to communicate emotions..the hardest thing for me was DON'T YELL. If u r at home and time outs don't work..flat out ignore her. Completely. Say I can't hear u when ur yelling..or whatever the bad behavior is..then pretend u really can't. Go do dishes or laundry or turn some music on... that worked for me. Nathan would do that stuff for attention even if it was bad attention! Crazy... but I think anybody who has been a parent to a 2 year old will understand completely as long as u don't give in. so be more stubborn than her! She will definitely try your patience. Patience even you didn't think u had! Lol. I went thru all this alone so I think it made me more bitter towards his dad.. :( good luck banana! :) u can do it!
Rachael is right. The best thing you can do is ignore her, but just know the tamtrums will get worse before they get better. Sorry. Another thing to note is that part of the reason this happens is because they are expressing self autonomy. They think they know so much - and for their age they do know quite a bit, so they want to do everything and do it on their own. (we as humans do this a lot, you would think we would learn at sometime that the best thing to do is depend onothers:) ) Give her controll by leting her make some choices so that she realizes that she can have controll over things. This way she can also learn that their are somthings she can't have controll over.
Good luck!!!
Girl, I feel you ... and so does every other mom out there! Don't stress! This is just one of the phases they go through and eventually it'll come to an end!
They're brains are just starting to develop more and as a result they have some issues understanding how to react to some things. Just remember it's just as frustrating for them as it is for us. (if that's possible) It's hard for me, but i'm trying to use all the patience I have when Seth goes through days of this kind of thing.
If it makes you feel better, Seth's nursery teacher takes off his shoes immediately when he gets to class each Sunday so he doesn't kick anyone .... haha (it's just a crazy phase, I hope!) Usually, he's the most affectionate kid in the universe, but something about nursery makes and his shoes triggers that reaction?
lastly, lets be honest. No if, ands, or buts, you are a great mom! I have no doubts that you do everything you can for your cute little peanut everyday! No one in their right mind thinks you are a bad mom. We all feel like this one day or another, so don't feel alone. Being a mom is the most stressful job there is! (I hear eventually it pays off ...lol)
Anyway, call me anytime if you want to chat. I'd love to hear how you guys are doing and catch up. We all need a venting team to go to, so if you ever need anyone, just give me a call. Make sure you get a break for yourself every now and then to regain your sanity! Let Ryan be in charge one night and go out even if it's just for an hour or 2 ... i always say my little getaways make me a better mom. You just need some me time every now and then!
Love you guys, and hang in there!
I don't have any experience so I can't be that much help buuuut I KNOW you're a good mommy. I definitely admired you while we were in SC. You have been teaching Cammie all of the right things. I guess it's just called the "terrible twos" for a reason. She'll grow out of it. Plus, you could always ship her down to us. We'd love to take her for a while:)
Ok.. first... that picture cracks me up.
Second, all the ladies are so right. I think it is good to share that you are having a hard time bc it seems like it is a normal thing. Kids will be kids. I am a big fan of Timeouts etc. J had a princess blanket that she goes everywhere with. She started being mean and rude as well and she wouldn't listen so... the blanket went away and crying for 45 minute ensued. But now when I tell her she needs to behave "or else" she shapes up (most of the time).
I am all new at this so I don;t know if I would take that advice but I do know that you are NOT a bad mom/wife/person. You are just wonderful and Cami is lucky to have you.
I'm sure you are a great mom :) I think almost all moms go through the same thing you are going through. I remember feeling so dumb anytime I took Dallin out in public because he NEVER listened. There was a time when Dallin was kicked out of nursery 5 weeks in a row!!! I almost got to the point where I just didn't want to take him anymore. I did lots of crying then too. I know exactly how you feel. He is just now sort of getting better. There is a book/movie we checked out from the library called 1-2-3 Magic. It might help. She just sounds like a typical 2 year old (or at least how mine was :) I also think it is a hard adjustment for awhile once they give up the naps. It will get better :)
thanks so much everyone for your comments! theyve helped me more than i can say. hearing some of your stories makes me feel better knowing im not the only one :). love you all!
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